I even want to see him again although I hated the sex and got zero enjoyment.
I don't know why I feel so unable to assert myself. And I felt too uncomfortable to ask him to stop or slow down even though it hurt and I think he would have stopped. Maybe because last night I had a sexual experience (first time anal, unprotected) with a stranger I met in a bar. I've been having this feeling for about a year or so and usually I can forget about it but not today. This is going to sound CRAZY as #$ and you all will hate me for saying it but I kind of feel like my dad MAY have molested me and it's hard to focus on other things until I write this out. I know that my mom worked and he looked after me a couple summers and I do remember driving with my dad and dropping her off at work and crying hysterically, feeling so distraught that my mom was leaving. I remember my friends and playing at their houses and my teachers but nothing from my house. I don't really have memories of him at all from that period (0-12ish?). I have no other memories of him doing anything else to me. It all started with this 'game' my dad and I would play when I was about preschool age or maybe a little older (?) where we'd basically french kiss each other with tongues.
